Essential Ramadan Prep (Part 1/4) : Forgiveness & Faith

Assalaamu'alaykum,

Frequently, I work with clients who struggle with tension, high stress, physical discomfort and negativity in their mindset and outlook.

After closer examination of their lives, we often discover a significant correlation between their emotional and physical pains and their history of harbouring built-up grievances against others.

Over the years, what I've observed is that people often have a reluctance, sometimes even a fear, to let go of these grievances and embrace forgiveness instead.

Their concerns often include fears such as: 

• How will they learn their lesson if I forgive? 

• They might continue to take advantage of me.

• I'll be perceived as weak.

• I want justice to be served.

On the surface, these concerns may seem valid, but there’s a strong precedent in our deen (religion) to cultivate forgiveness in the heart, both in small and major matters. 

To understand why that might be, let’s look at a case study of one of my clients (name changed). 

Fatima regularly got into heated arguments with her sister, most of the time over petty issues. 

On one particular occasion, Fatima felt deeply insulted by accusations regarding her parenting skills. 

She took the words personally, feeling hurt and insulted.

As a result, her mind became consumed by the incident. 

Her thoughts constantly revolved around the unfairness of the accusations, and she found herself triggered by her sister's name, leading to rants and backbiting.

In subsequent interactions, Fatima adopted a very defensive stance, which led to more hurtful exchanges and a strong desire to prove her sister wrong, all in the pursuit of justice.

This argument preoccupied her mind, disrupting her prayers, remembrance of Allah and ability to focus on other acts of worship.

After reflecting, Fatima realised that by clinging to the hurt and reacting to the words, she’d become someone she didn’t want to be.

This is very common.

Holding on to grievances negatively impacts our psychological state.

It not only creates inner agitation but can also cause spiritual disturbances.

Choosing to forgive, more often than not, is for your own emotional, mental and spiritual well-being.

Forgiveness serves as the bridge to revive your character when the pain of hurt propels the nafs to drag you down.

As we approach the blessed month of Ramadan, we aim to cleanse our hearts, minds and souls from any impurities that can burden us and create barriers between us and our spiritual practices.

It's important to note that forgiveness doesn’t turn you into a doormat that people can stomp all over.

Forgiveness allows you to correct your heart state, empowering you to choose elevated responses stemming from your most soulful place—a place mindful of Allah and not led by the ego.

We choose forgiveness because we seek the mercy of Allah.

We choose forgiveness to discipline our nafs.

We choose forgiveness to embody prophetic noble traits.

We see countless examples of forgiveness in our rich history:

• Prophet Muhammad (SAW) extended mercy to the people of Ta’if despite their merciless abuse towards him.
• Abu Bakr (r) not only continued to give sadaqah to his relative, who was discovered to be one of the main culprits of slander towards his daughter Aisha (r), but he also increased the amount he would give.
• The individual who purged his heart of grievances each night was guaranteed Jannah.

The examples of showing mercy in response to painful conflicts are prolific in our religion.

Their trust that Al-’Adl (The Most Just) would handle matters with justice was profound.

In a recent Breaking Barriers session, we covered the art of forgiveness.

Attendees engaged in a practical exercise of reaching out to individuals with whom they had strained relationships.

One sister shared her surprise at her relative's warm and apologetic response. 

Another sister, despite not receiving the response she hoped for, found peace in her heart, focusing on the act of forgiveness and its significance to Allah.

In both instances, there was a personal victory.

This is the beauty our religion invites us to.

As you approach the blessed month of Ramadan, try to remove any potential barriers in your heart and enrich your ibaadah (worship) by cleansing it with forgiveness.

P.S. If you want to work on shifting your perspectives and aligning your efforts with your highest spiritual values and aspirations, click HERE to schedule a 1:1 discovery call with me to explore your current challenges and discuss personalised strategies to help you bridge the gap from where you are to where you want to be. 

P.P.S. We’re busy behind the scenes putting together our third round of The Travellers (open to all). Register your interest HERE to be the first to know once we go live!